Did you ever have such a hard time speaking what was in your heart that it actually physically hurt?
Since the publication of the last issue, I lost my father. It feels like I should have some really great insights to share about grief. But I realize that there is nothing I can say, no pearls of wisdom to impart, no aha moments to convey, no awareness to communicate, that could remotely prepare someone for that inevitable instant.
There are waves of emotion, memories that catch me off guard and the observation that there really is no “right way” to do this grief thing. One minute laughing over a cherished reminiscence, the next sobbing over the loss of my loved one’s physical presence, and the next after that feeling profound gratitude for all the moments strung together that fashioned that relationship. Meanwhile I am wondering how to hit the restart button on my life.
I could tell a story; my account of the last few weeks with my dad and my gratitude for being present for his last breath. But deeper than that is knowing that even though I witnessed my emotions pinging around, even though I observed a number of surreal instances, even though I felt internally “messy”, it all still felt full of Grace: Graceful.
I happened to listen to James Van Praagh’s talk at the Agape International Spiritual Center the day after my father passed. He shared something that stuck with me. To paraphrase, James said that those in spirit want us to remember their lives, not their deaths; they only died once – don’t make them die over and over in your mind.
I will celebrate your life daily, Pop.
In this issue:
- What We Really Want
- The Healing Properties of Osha
- Partnering with Faeries
- Reclaiming Your Life
- Learning to Fly